I miss my daughter today, I think of her everyday, but some days are just unbearable how much I miss her. She would be 22, this month. In the beginning of March I start to think about my life, her life and how it would be different without vaccine injury. Lorrin was born in March, injured in April, and died in December; there are just too many anniversaries when your child dies after living with chronic illness. I have been grieving the life that was stolen from her since the day that fatal vaccine was given. The steps Lorrin never took, the words she never spoke, the milestones she never accomplished, those simple things that parents just assume they will experience. Sure Lorrin had a full life, she was a Girl Scout; graduated from middle school; had friendships; a canine companion and swam with the dolphins. I think most of the people who knew Lorrin would agree that if she was able bodied she would have been a brat, ornery and no doubt her and I would have fought till the sun went down like most mothers and daughters do. Lorrin had a wicked sense of humor, loved God and was a brave and determined girl, for sure. But that was all compromised as she navigated through life with brain injury from her DPT vaccine given at 6 weeks of age.
Today, I must tell you that I am happy and grateful for the lessons that Lorrin has taught me. I know that I look at life differently because of what I went through. I am glad that I dedicated myself to caring for her. Do I have regrets, of course, but over all we lived, I mean really lived. Lorrin’s neurologist told me, when Lorrin was one year old, that one day I would wake up and she would be dead. Hearing that and knowing each day could be her last; we pushed the boundaries making sure that every day counted. All of us should realize, that life is a gift and each day should be celebrated.
I survived many a dark times by digging deep into spirituality, trying to understand the meaning of life and searching for our soul’s purpose. When you live with adversity you have to make a choice, your struggles will either make or break you. I was always guided by Lorrin’s love of God and patient teachings. I will never forget how forgiving she was to all people. When she was 14, I was feeding her through her feeding tube and accidently spilt the liquid all over her. She just let out a deep and heavy sigh, which made me burst out laughing. As I cleaned up her belly, I thought of all that she put up with from her caregivers and me and how difficult it must be to rely on others for her every need. Love was always the way forward for Lorrin. Her teachings are endless. She was full of courage and strength, never afraid, even as she took her last breath.
Don’t get me wrong there is one awesome benefit to surviving vaccine injury; I have met the most amazing people. My friends are the funniest, craziest, most courageous, strong, loving, giving, brave people I know. Without Lorrin I would not have met them.
No one ever said that life would be easy and I certainly did not come here to experience a cushy existence. I know that I am a much better person for being Lorrin’s mom. I miss her every minute of every day, some days are much more difficult than others, but I know that I am still here for a reason and I believe that reason is to share our story, to shout it as loud as I can so that other parents can make better choices than I did. We MUST, as a community of people stop the poisoning that is happening to our precious children. We all must take a stand and stop making ourselves sick for the profit of others. If you take one thing from this note please make an effort to live greener, healthier and stand up for the future of our children and the planet that they will live upon. We must stop thinking that it is normal for 1 in 20 children to have seizures, be taking medications, have asthma, allergies and spectrum disorders, and lets not forget Autism. Please folks wake up and do just one thing, to get a little healthier. Together we can pave the way for change. We are all important and each of us has a purpose. We are like pieces of a puzzle and together we can unite and stop the poisoning of our future. This affects us all and no one gets to turn his or her back any more.
So on March 15th, Lorrin’s 22nd birthday I will be thinking of her, eating chocolate, remembering the times that we shared, her smile and huge baby blues. When she was alive, each birthday, I would tell her about the day she was born and just how happy I was to be her mother. I will never forget that tragic day April 27, 1994, how one vaccine changed our lives. I will continue to share her story in hopes that I can stop it from happening to one more baby and their family. I love you Lorrin Danielle Kain and I honor your life and all that you endured to teach the world about vaccine injury.