Karen Kain’s Blog
My Latest God Moment
By the time Lorrin was 4 months, she had been vaccine injured for 10 weeks; her tiny body was having uncontrolled seizures lasting 5 minutes or longer. We had just started her on her second anti-seizure medication with zero hope in sight. I had no idea just how many drugs I would shovel into my daughter’s body during her 15 years of life. Another thing happened at this time that I was unable to truly comprehend, which was that Lorrin had just visited someone in her dreams. It was a perfect stranger actually, someone we had met by chance. I had purchased something at the local store and was returning it the next day when the clerk told me that Lorrin had come to her in her dream the night before. I immediately asked, “What did she say about me?” The woman replied, “We weren’t talking about you, we were just chatting.”
How could I ever know what was to take place over the next 15 years? Lorrin continued to have seizures pretty much every day, often all day long. We tried medication after medication to stop the seizures, even putting her into a coma twice when she was three. She spent most of her life on six anti-seizure medications at a time, continuing to have uncontrolled seizures. Lorrin never made any of her childhood gains that all parents boast about. She never walked or talked; she was fed through a feeding tube, at the age of 5 Lorrin had a tracheostomy placed to help her breath. By the age of 7 she had numerous surgeries; a rod put into her spine, both hips replaced, a Vegal implant to help those pesky seizures, her tonsils out. She required constant care throughout her lifetime. We spent 171 days in Cedar’s Sinai ICU in 1998, where she almost died countless times. My life as I knew was over; her future was bleak, to say the least.
It was clear that Lorrin’s body was a train wreck, but her soul was powerful. She continued to draw people into her life by a blink of her baby blues. She had an amazing ability to wrap stranger’s hearts around her tiny fingers. She continued in her ability to communicate via dream state. Lorrin was full of love and people were either drawn to her or afraid of her. In 6th grade, Lorrin had a nurse named Debbie, who went to school with her every day. One day she came home after working with Lorrin for six months and told me, “You know, Lorrin answers questions before I ask them.” My reply was, “If I had told you that Lorrin could tap into your thoughts, you would have thought I was crazy and never believed me, but when you see it for yourself you just know.” Lorrin died December 22, 2009, that night she visited her best friend Sarah in her dreams three separate times. When I went to see Sarah the next day to tell her of Lorrin’s crossing, she told me that Lorrin had already told her. We talked often about those dreams and how it seemed that Lorrin was trying her best to console her as she transitioned out of her body. The funny thing is that amongst all of Lorrin’s disabilities she made people feel safe. Lorrin was totally comfortable with who she was, and as I have already said, she was full of love, which is really powerful.
Many magical moments happened during her 15 short years. I was forever reminded of her love of God; she was never afraid even as she took her last breath. I would often argue with Lorrin telling her that she was an angel, and I was just a regular mom! Parenting a special needs girl with special abilities is not exactly in any parenting magazine that I had read. My need for confirmation was and still is a big part of what fuels my soul. One of the many things that I learned over the years was that Lorrin was always communicating, I just needed to listen differently.
While packing for my trip to Los Angeles in May, I did something I never do and grabbed a Rosary that has been sitting on top her alter in my room since her death. It lay draped on a pair of her favorite Ed Hardy shoes that she used to wear. Lorrin was always in a wheelchair, and her shoes were fashionable and remained in pristine condition. During my trip to LA, a few magical things happened that were unexpected. One of those things was that I was going to participate in a Q & A panel for Vaxxed in Lorrin’s hometown. The second was to meet Sheila Lewis Ealey in person for the first time. I woke up that morning feeling very excited and really wanted to bring Sheila something special. I pondered about what I could give to her on our first time meeting, and it was then I heard this voice in my head, “Mom give her the Rosary.” Then Lorrin and I started having this conversation in my head as we often do, I said, “No, that is mine, and it makes me think of you.” She said, “Mom, give it to her, and your hearts will forever be connected.” I was really struggling with this idea of letting go of such a sentimental item, even though I knew it was just an item. I tried to argue with Lorrin telling her that Sheila was Southern Baptist and not Catholic, but Lorrin stood firm on her instructions to me.
Begrudgingly, I dropped the Rosary into my purse and thought of every reason to keep it there. As breakfast finished, I told Sheila, “I have something that Lorrin wanted me to give you and, please don’t take offense I know you are not Catholic, and I handed her the Rosary.” Sheila had a bewildered look on her face; her eyes started to tear up, and she said, “No one knows this about me, I pray the Rosary every day.” We both were a bit teared up and hugged each other totally blown away. I felt so happy that I listened to my sweet angel and what a beautiful reminder that Lorrin is everywhere doing her magic and making sure that parents know that the children are listening.
Now, this story is not so much about me, Sheila or Lorrin, it is a story about a God moment. Those beautiful times in life when we are reminded that there is something much bigger than we could ever imagine going on. Our children are communicating, and our souls are all connected. I am so glad that I listened on that day as I was packing. At that time, I had no idea that I would get this wonderful opportunity to meet Sheila in person. I heard a voice tell me to bring the Rosary and I did. I am also pleased that I was able to release something that I held very dear to me. It has connected Sheila and I and what a wonderful reminder that God is always with us.
I was not raised in a church. I found my spiritual belief from Lorrin, my greatest teacher. I learned not to question the magic, but to expect it. I believe in love and that each soul is important. I believe that we are all connected and when we unite in love that is when we are doing God’s work.
You may think this is all crazy, but hold on, because the story is not quite over. After I had returned home, each morning I looked at my alter seeing an empty spot where the Rosary had been. I knew in my heart giving Sheila the Rosary was meant to be, but selfishly I still missed it. About a week later I was in my kitchen, and I saw a tiny black velvet bag on my counter. I asked my husband what it was as I grabbed it and a purple Rosary slipped out of the bag into my hands. My heart sank as I looked at him. He had no idea where it came from. I knew in that moment that I was being gifted a lesson of letting go and reminded the power of prayer, love and God and the magic of how mountains are moved when we believe. Because I am human, I still needed to call all my neighbors to see if they had put this on my counter. I really can’t put into words how this experience has re-opened my heart to the power of prayer. I am sharing it with you in hopes that it makes you revisit your spiritual beliefs knowing that our children are powerful little beings no matter their abilities they are communicating, and it is our jobs as parents to love and listen.
I found this online – How To Pray The Rosary – The purpose of the Rosary is to help keep in memory certain principal events or mysteries in the history of our salvation, and to thank and praise God for them. There are twenty mysteries reflected upon in the Rosary, and these are divided into the five joyful mysteries, the five Luminous Mysteries, the five Sorrowful Mysteries, and the five Glorious Mysteries.
I miss my daughter today, I think of her everyday, but some days are just unbearable how much I miss her. She would be 22, this month. In the beginning of March I start to think about my life, her life and how it would be different without vaccine injury. Lorrin was born in March, injured in April, and died in December; there are just too many anniversaries when your child dies after living with chronic illness. I have been grieving the life that was stolen from her since the day that fatal vaccine was given. The steps Lorrin never took, the words she never spoke, the milestones she never accomplished, those simple things that parents just assume they will experience. Sure Lorrin had a full life, she was a Girl Scout; graduated from middle school; had friendships; a canine companion and swam with the dolphins. I think most of the people who knew Lorrin would agree that if she was able bodied she would have been a brat, ornery and no doubt her and I would have fought till the sun went down like most mothers and daughters do. Lorrin had a wicked sense of humor, loved God and was a brave and determined girl, for sure. But that was all compromised as she navigated through life with brain injury from her DPT vaccine given at 6 weeks of age.
Today, I must tell you that I am happy and grateful for the lessons that Lorrin has taught me. I know that I look at life differently because of what I went through. I am glad that I dedicated myself to caring for her. Do I have regrets, of course, but over all we lived, I mean really lived. Lorrin’s neurologist told me, when Lorrin was one year old, that one day I would wake up and she would be dead. Hearing that and knowing each day could be her last; we pushed the boundaries making sure that every day counted. All of us should realize, that life is a gift and each day should be celebrated.
I survived many a dark times by digging deep into spirituality, trying to understand the meaning of life and searching for our soul’s purpose. When you live with adversity you have to make a choice, your struggles will either make or break you. I was always guided by Lorrin’s love of God and patient teachings. I will never forget how forgiving she was to all people. When she was 14, I was feeding her through her feeding tube and accidently spilt the liquid all over her. She just let out a deep and heavy sigh, which made me burst out laughing. As I cleaned up her belly, I thought of all that she put up with from her caregivers and me and how difficult it must be to rely on others for her every need. Love was always the way forward for Lorrin. Her teachings are endless. She was full of courage and strength, never afraid, even as she took her last breath.
Don’t get me wrong there is one awesome benefit to surviving vaccine injury; I have met the most amazing people. My friends are the funniest, craziest, most courageous, strong, loving, giving, brave people I know. Without Lorrin I would not have met them.
No one ever said that life would be easy and I certainly did not come here to experience a cushy existence. I know that I am a much better person for being Lorrin’s mom. I miss her every minute of every day, some days are much more difficult than others, but I know that I am still here for a reason and I believe that reason is to share our story, to shout it as loud as I can so that other parents can make better choices than I did. We MUST, as a community of people stop the poisoning that is happening to our precious children. We all must take a stand and stop making ourselves sick for the profit of others. If you take one thing from this note please make an effort to live greener, healthier and stand up for the future of our children and the planet that they will live upon. We must stop thinking that it is normal for 1 in 20 children to have seizures, be taking medications, have asthma, allergies and spectrum disorders, and lets not forget Autism. Please folks wake up and do just one thing, to get a little healthier. Together we can pave the way for change. We are all important and each of us has a purpose. We are like pieces of a puzzle and together we can unite and stop the poisoning of our future. This affects us all and no one gets to turn his or her back any more.
So on March 15th, Lorrin’s 22nd birthday I will be thinking of her, eating chocolate, remembering the times that we shared, her smile and huge baby blues. When she was alive, each birthday, I would tell her about the day she was born and just how happy I was to be her mother. I will never forget that tragic day April 27, 1994, how one vaccine changed our lives. I will continue to share her story in hopes that I can stop it from happening to one more baby and their family. I love you Lorrin Danielle Kain and I honor your life and all that you endured to teach the world about vaccine injury.
My name is Karen Kain, I am a witness to vaccine injury. My daughter Lorrin Danielle Kain was born healthy, but was injured and died in California from a “Hot” DPT vaccination, given to her on April 27th 1994. We settled with the Vaccine Injury Compensation Program in 1998. Lorrin died in my arms December 22, 2009. Today, one day after Governor Brown signed SB277, my heart revisits the helpless and hopeless feelings from 21 years ago. I was isolated and alone back in 1994 without the Internet and overwhelmed with feelings of grief, rage and fear for the future of my daughter. I do advocacy work to support all vaccine-injured families. I know the reality of how families navigate through life after vaccine injury, or should I say survive.
The good news is, that across the country pro health communities are uniting and we are strong. We will not go away. SB277 has provoked a powerful gathering of parents, doctors, advocates and those living with vaccine injury allowing them a platform and a voice to discuss vaccine safety, the unethics of administering an untested schedule, and how those injured for the greater good in the war against infection are marginalized, ignored for their sacrifice, and left to fend for themselves. Never before has this discussion been so open to the community. It is not only about my story of vaccine injury, but thousands are coming forward to share their experience. Every single injury no matter how large or small is important and must be held up for all to see.
I want to ask one question to Governor Brown, “Where is the data?” There is no science comparing vaccinated vs. unvaccinated children, the only way to make any ethical claims about safety and risk. How can you sign a bill forcing children to be vaccinated when there is no data or science to support the true risk associated with the vaccine schedule? There has never been a study of vaccinated vs. unvaccinated children. How can you tell Californians that vaccines are safe without data to make such a comparison? How can you sign this bill without this information? All parents want the same thing, to raise healthy and happy children. We are on the same side of the fence we just need more information to make medical decisions. Why would you take away the basic individual human right of medical autonomy and ethical informed consent based upon a policy of deliberate ignorance?
Further more, how can doctors ethically offer the vaccine schedule to vulnerable children when they do not have even the most basic science to inform their patients of potential risk and possible harm? Each doctor has a duty to the individual patient. If doctors don’t know the true risks, how can they ethically offer vaccines to the patient? I understand that many of the elderly doctors base their opinions from a long standing emotional history of holding dying babies in their arms from disease, however, they do not witness first hand what families living with Autism go through. Most doctors’ share a few moments with patients and move on to treat the next, never experiencing the true reality of Autism. Sure, there are a few heroes like Dr. Wakefield who could have turned his back on the vaccine injured community, but he is just that; a hero, a one in a million kind of person.
Every drug that is prescribed by a doctor has several studies comparing the proposed intervention to placebo. It is the oath of every medical doctor to practice ethical medicine. Without a study of vaccinated vs. unvaccinated children how can doctors give vaccines or tell parents to vaccinate their children? Without the science how dare they try force us to accept and receive a medical procedure.
It is the ethical burden upon the industry and government to determine the true risk associated with the vaccine schedule, not the burden of questioning parents to prove that they are unsafe. This dirty little secret that the CDC is keeping, regarding the true risk for Autism and other adverse events from vaccines is just not acceptable. I demand a study of the two groups of vaccinated vs. unvaccinated.
Parents, I ask you to stand tall and ask for honest science and “greener” vaccines, without the mercury and aluminum. Demand that we modify the vaccine schedule to be more aligned with the risks to individual children with varying susceptibilities. There is no shortage of alternative schedule ideas. We must be proactive and we must protect the health of our children. Right now the US has the most extensive vaccine schedule, second only to South Korea; South Korea’s Autism rate is 1 in 38.
Governor Brown has given us all an opportunity to unite, support the health of our children, share our stories of vaccine injury, and demand that true science be done, and the right to medical autonomy be preserved so that we as a people can make informed decisions about medical procedures. Americans have always had the right to refuse a medical procedure until now. We must be informed on the risk before we are asked to consent. We cannot discuss mandates of vaccines without having truly ethical information, it is complete nonsense that we are forced as parents to experiment with our children’s health. We must keep asking questions and demand comparisons regarding the chronic illness of children who are vaccinated versus the unvaccinated. Until we get this study we cannot accept this mandate.
This is a large and informative paper. I encourage you to go to the footnote 26 and click on the link to see the actual CDC document, an abstract submitted for publication, which was never released, listing the causation risk.
Thank you James A. Moody, Esq., for your support on sharing this information.
I was recently asked to share my story about my daughter Lorrin’s vaccine injury, before the California Senate, on April 8th, 2015 in opposition to SB277. I travel around the US talking to families who have unique children. I always mention Lorrin’s vehicle of injury, however, my focus is not on vaccines but how to help families navigate through parenting special needs children. My topic for 2015 is, “Caring for the caregiver”, a very important subject that is near and dear to my heart.
On April 8th I stepped out of the car, with the Capitol in full view and immediately was greeted by families wearing bright red “California Coalition for Health Choice” t-shirts. Pictures were taken; we then proceeded to the Capitol steps. Everywhere I looked there were people of all ages holding signs with their favorite “Pro-Health Choice” slogan. I felt over whelmed by the turnout and knew that it was going to be an emotional day. I spoke on the steps after Eric Gladen, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., and Dr. Bob Sears. I watched, as the crowd grew larger and larger. When I spoke, I asked the attendees to raise a hand if they have a member of their family who is vaccine injured, I then asked them to raise two hands if they their family contained two or more members suffering from vaccine injury; a sea of hands appeared before me. Many more spoke that morning sharing their vaccine injury story and or voice in opposition of SB277.
I went inside the Capitol with 5 other speakers who were there to testify against the bill. The halls were crowded and voices were hushed in an attempt to keep the disruption of our overwhelming presence down for those who were conducting business. Hundreds of parents, doctors and children stood waiting in line. The six of us designated to speak walked in first. We took our seats in the front row marked for those who were there to testify.
I would like to share with you that it has been 5 years since Lorrin died and even longer since I have been treated as a second-class citizen in public. Back when Lorrin was alive I was used to having people get up and move away from us at restaurants and in the theater. Often people would suggest that I put Lorrin in the corner so that she would be “out of the way”. So when the Sergeant at Arms asked all of us testifying against the bill to move from the front row I was triggered to the old days when Lorrin was by my side. I did not want to get caught up in any confrontation, I needed to keep my focus, but I felt angry as I got out of my seat. Senator Pan’s Pro testifiers immediately sat down where we had been.
As I walked in to testify the first thing that I was told was that I could NOT bring in any signs. When the pro SB277 speakers spoke and Ariel Loop shared her story of her four-month-old son who contracted the measles, I thought it very tricky that Senator Pan walked around the senate showing a poster board of pictures of Ariel’s son. There was a picture of her with her son at Disneyland, a picture of her baby with a cloth mask covering his nose and mouth and one sleeping. I listened to Ariel’s testimony of how INCONVIENCED she was whilst dealing with her son’s measles. She also stated that she was deeply afraid of taking her son out of the house for fear of all the unvaccinated children who would infect her baby.
I must add a few points here:
1. As Senator Pan’s panel had the floor a toddler ran during his moms testimony calling out, “Mommy” over and over; words that were never spoken by my daughter.
2. I was surprised that Ariel Loop brought her young baby to an event that was filled with hundreds, maybe a thousand UNVACINATED adults and children. I know that during my daughters first years of life, Lorrin missed out on many events due to her medical fragility. It wasn’t until 6th grade that Lorrin was able to attend school year round so that she would not get sick during the cold and flu season.
3. When you have children life changes and it often becomes full of inconveniences. For me as a parent of a vaccine-injured child, things were never typical. I gave Lorrin 6 anti-seizure medications a day, nebulizer treatments and numerous therapies. She was hospitalized 171 days in the ICU in one year alone. I administered steroid shots into her tiny legs at the age of one, put her into a comma twice to stop her from having constant seizures. She had a feeding tube, tracheostomy and had a rod put into her spine so that she would be able to live eat and breathe, until she died in my arms at the age of 15. This is just a smattering of what Lorrin endured during her lifetime. I would love to have shared my pictures of Lorrin being on life support at the age of 3 with a collapsed lung and double pneumonia. And lets not forget the last year of her life she had diarrhea sometimes 4 times a day, weighing 65 pounds. Living with vaccine injury gets a bit messy. These pictures would have said way more than any words.
4. In the same amount of time that Senator Pan refers to a measles epidemic, 9,000 children were diagnosed with Autism.
I want to thank Senator Hernandez for giving us the opportunity to share for 20 minutes our plea for freedom of choice in America. Since that time there has been talk of Senator Pan being bullied and or threatened. I have made a commitment to go forward in love and do not condone any behavior that is filled with anger and hatred. That is just not what Lorrin was about. I do my best to share my story with love reminding people that my daughter’s life is equally important as the next child’s. Her life mattered, as all of our children matter.
This has become a desperate time as our human rights are being threatened. I listened to Senator Pan, while he presented his pro argument, and stated facts that were simply not true. It is time that our government must understand that we as a people will no longer stand by and listen to the lies that are being told about the vaccine statistics, Autism statistics and lies from the CDC. Without being too redundant, the vaccine schedule has never been studied, our kids are sick and if we stand by and allow SB277 to pass, by 2025 or sooner the Autism rates will be 1 in 2.
As I flew home I was notified that SB277 passed the first stages. I guess you can say that I knew from the first moment that I walked into the senate room that was to be the fate of the bill. I could tell by the lack of interest and look of boredom on the faces of the senate towards our 6 speakers. Even as I spoke of Lorrin’s death it seemed that I was barely making a connection. The playing field was not for a moment level, even though we talked about decisions of life and death for our babies. I realize that work has just begun on this vey important matter of our children’s health. I encourage you to please make your voices heard and stop this bill. Write the California senate, go down to the Capitol, call and tell everyone you know to do the same. We must protect our babies and their future.
For Bill SB 442
My name is Karen Kain; my daughter Lorrin was vaccine injured on April 27th, 1994.
Lorrin was born on March 15, 1994. Becoming a mother was the best thing that ever happened to me, for the first time in my life I felt complete. Lorrin was so beautiful. When she was born the nurses told the hospital staff to check out the precious newborn in the nursery, I was very proud.
On the morning of April 27th I was holding Lorrin, she looked up at me and gave me the biggest smile. I had no idea that this would be my first and last smile for a long time. That day I took Lorrin in for her well baby check up. Lorrin received a DPT vaccine, she then fell into a deep sleep; two hours later she woke screaming and shaking. I held her in my arms as far as possible away from me, as her tiny body shook. This lasted for five minutes. When she stopped I ran to the bathroom and vomited.
Now, I was afraid of my new baby. I took her back to the pediatrician’s office. During the examination, she did it again in front of the doctor, also lasting for five minutes. I screamed at the doctor telling her to make it stop. I was told that Lorrin was having a seizure and she sent me to the hospital. This day, my life changed forever.
Fourteen days later Lorrin had her third seizure and by May 9th she had had nine five minutes seizures in one day, which left her body lifeless. My Lorrin was getting worse every day. At four months of age she was taking 3 different anti-seizure medications. After nine days of being in the hospital her neurologist told me, “Mrs. Kain, your baby is retarded. Look at her!” I was devastated. Until this time the doctors told me that sometimes babies have seizures but generally they grow out of them.
The one good thing that came from this visit was the first conversation with a CDC (Center for Disease Control) specialist. This doctor told us that Lorrin was having a typical vaccine reaction to the DPT. This surprised us, as doctors would not discuss Lorrin’s vaccine injury. My husband and I did our research and found Andrew Dodd to represent Lorrin. He was the only attorney at the time in our area, who specialized in the vaccine injury field. We then found Dr. Menkes to be her neurologist.
In this time we learned that Lorrin received what is called a “Hot Lot”, that means that 30 kids had seizures or worse reported with the same lot that Lorrin had had, there were also 10 surrounding deaths. It is important to mention here that the drug companies back then and still do today, scatter the lots, when mailing them to the doctor’s office. Lorrin’s lot was scattered all over the United States so that the same doctor would not see all the vaccine reactions. This is legal and approved by our government.
On the day that I received the letter stating that the government agreed that the DPT vaccine damaged Lorrin, I was sick to my stomach. I was told that this was a huge accomplishment, but I felt in my gut that we were in for a long and difficult journey. Lorrin never slept and cried all the time, when she wasn’t crying she was having seizures. I was shoveling all kinds of different medications into her tiny body. It felt like I was living in hell, my husband and I were fighting over money and treatments for her. It didn’t matter what we did for her, she kept on having seizures. We were in and out of the hospital with no hope in sight.
This was a time before the Internet. I was isolated and alone. My only hope was that the National Vaccine Compensation Program, (NVCP) would step in and help us. The fact that they agreed the cause of injury was vaccine related, was great; the next step was to decide how much money should be given to Lorrin to help her for the rest of her life. I was very afraid for her. Her father was in great denial about her condition, but I stayed home with her and watched her seizures. It was me who went to the doctor’s office always receiving the bad news.
The first time I met the team from the NVCP was at Cedars Sinai ICU. Lorrin was in the hospital as usual for uncontrolled seizures. I waited with great anticipation. Everything was taking too long, every day she was alive she was another day behind. Lorrin was making no childhood gains, anything she did was lost immediately with her constant seizures and drug changes. Dr. Menkes, who wrote the book the doctors studied to become a doctor, told me that she was one of the worst seizure cases he had treated.
I remember the day as if it were yesterday. I was standing with Mr. Dodd, wearing baggy sweats after another sleepless night in the ICU; I never left Lorrin’s side. It was then, that the NVCP legal/medical team walked in. It was an awkward moment to say the least. The NVCP, sent an attorney and a nurse who greeted me and went straight to Lorrin’s bedside crib. They proceeded to examine her and took her diaper off. I asked Mr. Dodd what they were doing? He replied, that they were looking for bed soars. He told me quite frankly, “These people are not your friends; they are trying to prove that you are a bad parent.” I was stunned. This meeting was my only hope for my family’s future, Lorrin’s future. I did not speak after that.
I was told by Mr. Dodd, after we received our trial date, that our case was to be heard by the nicest special master that the vaccine court had. We had Special Master French. I was in such a dark cloud it never dawned on me how alone we were. I did not understand the horrible fact that my family was not entitled to due process from my peers. I was in a fog, afraid for my daughter, as she was far sicker than I ever imagined any child could be. The only place in America that Americans are not entitled to due process is in vaccine court. You cannot sue the drug company or the doctor and you do not receive judgment from your peers. At the time we were in court there were 11 Special Masters to oversee vaccine injury trials. Vaccine court is hidden so that no one can see what vaccine injured families go through.
We spent three long days in my attorney’s office fighting about how much money Lorrin’s life was worth. We started the process with the NVCP lawyers telling us that we had to place Lorrin in a special care facility, we said no, and the battle was on. The nurse told me that no parent wanted a hospital bed in his or her house. She told me that Lorrin would only need a wheelchair and a bed and that was all that they should pay for. We asked for 83 items to care for Lorrin for the rest of her life. Each point started off with a denial and then we argued. We fought for 20 minutes about Huggies wipes. Special Master French got so upset by the way I was being treated, she threatened to remove the NVCP’s nurse from the room. She was beyond horrible.
The truth is that my husband and I were broken, and my daughter was a disaster. In 1998 we put Lorrin into a coma twice to stop her seizures, she then went on to have chronic lung disease. She was a quadriplegic, cortically blind, non-verbal, breathed through a tracheal diversion. She had 13 surgeries and countless procedures. I never left her side at the hospital and in 1998 alone, we spent 171 days in ICU. My life as I knew it was over. I lived in fear of loosing her and her father. I had no support and felt very alone. My friends were all gone; no one wanted to be around this disaster that was my life. We were surviving, barely.
Even though it was agreed that Lorrin was vaccine injured, it took three long years to settle with the NVCP regarding how much money my daughter’s life was worth. Separated from Lorrin’s father, I was living with my mother. We separated due to the unbelievably stressful situation. He was a broken man, our finances were ruined, and our daughter’s life was at constant risk from the severe brain damage. We grieved and coped differently. He was drinking himself to death. He finally died December 2003. My little girl, Lorrin Danielle Kain, died in my arms at home December 22, 2009.
The NVCP, counts on the fact that the families are devastated and takes advantage in every possible way. I am strong now and as I look back I cannot believe how unjustly I was treated. If my daughter was the one in two hundred fifty thousand injured by a vaccine, taking a hit for the team, she should be treated as a hero. My family and I should have been treated as heroes and held up high and taken care of. Who knows if her father would be alive today, if the NVCP had had any decency at all and stepped in and supported us through this terrible time? The Vaccine Compensation Program should be ashamed. And now our government wants to make vaccines mandatory. They do not have our children’s health in mind this is not a battle of what is best for our children it is a battle about money.
Parents need to understand and educate themselves on some very important facts:
1 Vaccines are made with – aborted fetal tissue (human DNA), aluminum, mercury, formaldehyde and MSG. Please go online and read the manufactures’ inserts. Here is a link to Johns Hopkins – Institute for Vaccine Safety Package Inserts – http://www.vaccinesafety.edu/package_inserts.htm
2 The current vaccine schedule requires, at the 6-month well baby check up 9 vaccines at once, including the flu shot. This vaccine schedule has never been tested. They have been tested separately, but there is no research when combined.
3 The US has the highest vaccine schedule and one of the highest infant mortality rates; we fall behind 33 other developed nations regarding infant mortality (the death rate for children under the age of 2). We are ranked behind 78 other nations for infants who die within the first 24 hours of life.
4 The CDC states that 1 in 2 children has chronic illness which includes, Autism, Autism spectrum disorders, allergies, Seizures, asthma, obesity, diabetes, etc.
5 The only education that doctors receive from medical school in how to give vaccines is according to the CDC schedule. They are not educated on vaccine ingredients or what a vaccine injury looks like.
6 The CDC regulates the safety of the vaccine policy and the vaccine schedule. The CDC is supported by over 11 billion taxpayer dollars. The federal government takes 75 cents from each vaccine given. This is called Excise Tax. For each single vaccine given they receive .75 cents and $2.25 for a combination vaccine such as the MMR. This money is used to pay for “Vaccine Court” which protects the drug companies’ and the doctors from being sued by the injured party. BUT, they also take a 25% administration fee, that amount is put into the US general fund used to fight wars or whatever they see fit. “The Vaccine Injury Compensation Program” (VICP), was created in 1986 to support families who have been vaccine injured. My daughter Lorrin was compensated by the VICP.
7 The National Institute of Health owned a piece of the development of the Gardasil vaccine. Merck, then bought the vaccine patent. The CDC now promotes giving it. Many are concerned that we have our federal government making money from promoting vaccines. When they should be reviewing the safety of vaccines. Ideally you would think that the CDC would not be able to become partners with the corporations it is set up to study. That is what is often referred to as, “The fox guarding the hen house.”
8 The best thing that I can do is to share my story of how I was treated by Human & Health Services, after they had immediately agreed that Lorrin was vaccine injured. The lot from which her vaccination came from had 30 reports of seizures or worse and 10 surrounding deaths. It took 3 years to settle on the amount that my daughter’s life was worth. My family did not receive due process (to have a judge and jury). Vaccine court is the only court in the US that denies due process. If Lorrin took a “Hit for the team, or for the greater good”, then she should have been treated like a hero.
Earlier in the year the statistics came out stating that 1 in 68 children has an Autism diagnosis. This was brushed over by the mainstream media. What most people don’t’ understand is that 1 in 68 is an understated figure, because it omits children who are under the age of twelve. A more accurate estimate, based on the yearly rate of increase at 13% (per CDC) to their 1 in 68 number from 2014, extrapolated out, actually comes out for 2014 to an alarming 1 in 21 for three- year-olds having Autism or Autism like behaviors and a 1 in 18 for two-year-old babies. We as a people should all be concerned. This affects all of us in every way. The projection is that in 2025, 1 in 2, that is, half of our children will have an Autism diagnosis.
We also all need to be aware that our government is trying to make vaccinations mandatory in all states. We need to keep our focus and stay strong regarding this very important issue –
I drove down to Santa Maria, California and stood on the corner with Candyce Estave, holding signs that said, “No Shots No School….Not True!”. This is a huge campaign started by Marcella Piper-Terry with VaxTruth.org. I strongly encourage parents to educate themselves on their exemption rights. Each state has different exemption laws. Currently there are two states, Mississippi, and West Virginia that only allow medical exemptions. In all other states you can sign a religious and or philosophical exemption. But our government is trying to take that right away from us.
Another huge concern that I am not sure many people know about has recently taken place in California; Children 12-18 can be vaccinated for sexually transmitted diseases without their parents’ permission. They cannot get a library card but they can go in and receive a vaccination without the consent of their parents. There have been many reports that children are being bullied when going into the schools nurse office for other reasons. They are being told, “If you have sex you will get cancer and die”, in an effort to push the Gardasil vaccination. If a child has a reaction to the vaccine and their parents have no idea that it was given, how can we properly care for our children? This entire subject scares me. Please take a moment and google “Gardasil injuries” and see how many of our girls have been injured by this vaccine.
In late August I was traumatized by the CDC whistleblower events. I like many others, waited each day to see what would come of this……
On August 27, 2014, Dr. Thompson, who worked as a CDC scientist for 16 years issued a statement saying that he and his coworkers changed statistically important data, which showed that African American males had a 240% higher increase in the risk of Autism when given the MMR vaccine before 36 months of age. To make this data look more favorably they pulled every child out of the study who didn’t have a valid Georgia birth certificate. That then reduced the African American population in the study group by 41%. It weakened the analysis so the results were no longer significant. Not only have millions of African American boys been at risk for getting Autism, but we also have lost 10 years of research.
This story blew up in “my” community of vaccine-injured families. Why do I think that these statistics are covered up? One word, Money. There is much money being made at the expense of our children. I am outraged. I have known that we are being lied to for many years, since my experience with the vaccine injury compensation program. The fact that this has not been in the mainstream media every day since this statement was made is extremely disturbing. It shows just how much money is controlling our news. If you watch television it would be hard not to notice that the majority of advertisements are pharmaceutical related products.
Please parents do the work! Educate yourself. One way of doing this, is to read the manufactures inserts and learn about what is in the vaccination. Most people spend more time researching a purchase of a cell phone than they do researching what they are putting into vaccines.
I encourage parents to ask, “Does my baby need a HepB vaccine on the day that they are born?” Expectant mothers need to educate and be prepared before they go to the delivery room. The best parent is an informed parent. Vaccines are medical procedures. There are no medical procedures that are safe for all people. You have the right to say no. If a doctor or nurse, regarding any medical procedure, threatens or coerces you, you should report them to the medical ethics state board. It is illegal to threaten; bully and fear monger you into a medical procedure.
I refer you to VaxTruth.org
TO READ THE ENTIRE STORY PLEASE ORDER MY BOOK, “A UNIQUE LIFE FULLY LIVED”.
This year was a crazy year for me, I started out by celebrating my book release, A Unique Life fully Lived. When I asked Lorrin for guidance on how to go forward she of course said, “Mom go big or go home!” So I hired a publicist and I traveled all around the US talking to families, television stations and book stores to promote my book. My heart has always been with all families of unique children, but of course, I find myself talking about vaccines and sharing information which a large number of people are just not aware of.
When I took Lorrin in for her vaccinations, I believed I was doing the right thing and I trusted my doctor. I researched her stroller and car seat to make sure my baby was safe, but I never questioned the vaccine schedule. Twenty years later, I am a lot more educated.
Parents need to understand and educate themselves on some very important facts:
- Vaccines are made with – aborted fetal tissue (human DNA), aluminum, mercury, formaldehyde and MSG. Please go online and read the manufacture inserts. Here is a link to Johns Hopkins – Institute for Vaccine Safety Package Inserts – http://www.vaccinesafety.edu/package_inserts.htm
- The current vaccine schedule requires at the 6-month well baby check up 9 vaccines at once including the flu shot. This vaccine schedule has never been tested. They have been tested separately, but there is no research when combined.
- The US has the highest vaccine schedule and one of the highest infant mortality rates; we fall behind 33 other developed nations regarding infant mortality (the death rate for children under the age of 2). We are ranked behind 78 other nations for infants who die within the first 24 hours of life.
- The CDC states that 1 in 2 children has chronic illness which includes, Autism, Autism spectrum disorders, allergies, Seizures, asthma, obesity, diabetes, etc.
- The only education that doctors receive from medical school is how to give vaccines according to the CDC schedule. They are not educated on vaccine ingredients or what a vaccine injury looks like.
- The CDC regulates the safety of the vaccine policy and the vaccine schedule. The CDC is supported by over 11 billion taxpayer dollars. The federal government takes 75 cents from each vaccine given. This is called Excise Tax. For each single vaccine given they receive .75 cents and $2.25 for a combination vaccine such as the MMR. This money is used to pay for “Vaccine Court” which protects the drug companies’ and the doctors from being sued by the injured party. BUT, they also take a 25% administration fee and that amount is put into the US general fund used to fight wars or whatever they see fit. “The Vaccine Injury Compensation Program” (VICP), was created in 1986 to support families who have been vaccine injured. My daughter Lorrin was compensated by the VICP.
- The National Institute of Health owned a piece of the development of the Gardasil vaccine. Then Merck bought the vaccine patent. Now, the CDC promotes giving it. Many are concerned that we have our federal government making money off promoting vaccines. When they should be reviewing the safety of vaccines. Ideally you would think that the CDC would not be able to become partners with the corporations it is set up to study. That is what is often referred to as, “The fox guarding the hen house.”
- The best thing that I can do is to share my story of how I was treated by Human & Health Services, after they had immediately agreed that Lorrin was vaccine injured. The lot from which her vaccination came had 30 reports of seizures or worse and 10 surrounding deaths. It took 3 years to settle on the amount that my daughter’s life was worth. My family did not receive due process (to have a judge and jury). Vaccine court is the only court in the US that denies due process. If Lorrin took a “Hit for the team, or for the greater good”, she should have been treated like a hero.
Earlier in the year the statistics came out stating that 1 in 68 children has an Autism diagnosis. This was brushed over in mainstream media. What most people don’t’ understand is that 1 in 68 is an understated figure, because it omits children who are under the age of twelve. A more accurate estimate based on the yearly rate of increase at 13% (per CDC) to their 1 in 68 number from 2014, extrapolated out actually comes out for 2014 to an alarming 1 in 21 for three- year-olds having Autism or Autism like behaviors and a 1 in 18 for two-year-old babies. We as a people should all be concerned. This affects all of us in every way. The projection is that in 2025, 1 in 2, that is half of our children with have an Autism diagnosis.
We also all need to be aware that our government is trying to make vaccinations mandatory in all states. We need to keep our focus and stay strong regarding this very important issue –
I drove down to Santa Maria, California and stood on the corner with Candyce Estave holding signs that said, “No Shots No School….Not True!”. This is a huge campaign started by Marcella Piper-Terry with VaxTruth.org. I strongly encourage parents to educate themselves on their exemption rights. Each state has different exemption laws. Currently there are two states, Mississippi, and West Virginia that only allow medical exemptions. In all other states you can sign a religious and or philosophical exemption. But our government is trying to take that right away from us.
Another huge concern that I am not sure many people know, has recently taken place in California; Children 12-18 can be vaccinated for sexually transmitted diseases without their parents’ permission. They cannot get a library card but they can go in and receive a vaccination without the consent of their parents. There have been many reports that children are being bullied when going into the schools nurses office for other reasons. They are being told, “If you have sex you will get cancer and die, in an effort to push the Gardasil vaccination. If a child has a reaction to the vaccine and their parents have no idea that it was given, how can we properly care for our children? This entire subject scares me. Please take a moment and google “Gardasil injuries” and see how many of our girls have been injured by this vaccine.
In late August I was traumatized by the CDC whistleblower events. I like many others, waited each day to see what would come of this……
On August 27, 2014, Dr. Thompson who worked as a CDC scientist for 16 years issued a statement that he and his and his coworkers changed statistically important data which showed that African American males had a 240% higher increase in the risk of Autism when given the MMR vaccine before 36 months of age. To make this data look more favorably they pulled every child out of the study who didn’t have a valid Georgia birth certificate. That then reduced the African American population in the study group by 41%. It weakened the analysis so the results were no longer significant. Not only have millions of African American boys been at risk for getting Autism, but we also have lost 10 years of research.
This story blew up in “my” community of vaccine-injured families. Why do I think that these statistics are covered up? One word, Money. There is much money being made at the expense of our children. I am outraged. I have known that we are being lied to for many years, since my experience with the vaccine injury compensation program. The fact that this has not been in the mainstream media every day since this statement was made is extremely disturbing. It shows just how much money is controlling our news. If you watch television it would be hard not to notice that the majority of adds are pharmaceutical related products.
Please parents do the work! Educate yourself. One way is to read the manufactures inserts and learn about what is in the vaccination. Most people spend more time researching a purchase of a cell phone than they research what they are putting into vaccines?
I encourage parents to ask, “Does my baby need a HepB vaccine on the day that they are born?” Expectant mothers need to educate and be prepared before they go to the delivery room. The best parent is an informed parent. Vaccines are medical procedures. There are no medical procedures that are safe for all people. You have the right to say no. If a doctor or nurse, regarding any medical procedure, threatens or coheres you, you should report them to the medical ethics state board. It is illegal to threaten, bully and fear monger you into a medical procedure.
I refer you to VaxTruth.org
It was 20 years ago that Lorrin received her one and only DPT vaccine. She had a 5 minute seizure two hours after that vaccine and another 5 minute seizure two hours after that. On that day my life changed forever. Every day for the rest of her life, she had seizures. Her brain was severely damaged. I started writing, journaling to keep notes about what was happening and I just continued. I was broken and writing was a way to process what was happening to my life. At the time I felt that something extra-ordinary was happening. Lorrin was a powerful teacher and life lessons were coming from all directions.
Lorrin was more than a vaccine-injured child; she was a blond haired blue eyed Pisces. She had a wicked sense of humor and loved to shop and eat chocolate. She had friendships and was loved by many. The book is about truly living life and enjoying what is. It is a love story.
I am sure that I am healing as I travel around the US talking to families of children who are unique. I was so alone in 94, without the Internet and without parental support. As I was going through my “Dark night of the soul(s)”, I knew back then that some day I would share my story and help others. If I can survive all that has happened to me and still find the joy in life, then I can give others hope. I believe that Lorrin was perfect the way she was, she had so much to teach and could have never done that in a healthy body. I feel that she is, and was a wise woman full of courage; who came here and sacrificed so much to teach those who will listen. Lorrin has completed her soul commitment and now it is time for me to do my part.
The most important messages that I share with parents, is to firstly take care of yourself. Mother’s especially give up everything for their children, I did that. I became exhausted and when I was tired it was really hard to make life and death decisions. When I took care of myself I was better able to care for Lorrin and be available to make those important decisions with clarity. Taking care of your spirit is one of the big lessons our children have come here to teach us. I also believe that each soul is important no matter their ability. By accepting our children with all their adversities and seeing the beauty in them and not focusing on the lack, there is much joy to be had. Lorrin never walked or talked but almost 5 years after her death we are still talking about her. It is a great honor to be her mother.
As this year comes to an end I am getting ready for 2015. I will be at Autism One in Chicago in May and am grateful to be at all The Abilities Expos. My priority will be to take care of myself and share as much information as I can with families so their children can grow up the old fashioned way….healthy!
The scientist Dr. Thompson articles are referred to as The CDC Whistleblower articles: https://sites.google.com/site/cdcwhistleblower/news-and-links
Please read – The Big Autism Cover Up by Anne Dachel.
To learn more about vaccine court, Wayne Rohde has a new book, “The Vaccine Court”
To learn more about the relationship with the CDC and other corporations please read, “Who Owns the Science”, by Bobby Dee. http://www.livingwhole.org/who-owns-the-science/
As Thanksgiving approaches, I cannot help but be reminded how much Lorrin loved this holiday. As I cooked, she loved how the house filled up with delicious aromas. I think my best memories were family and friends sitting around the table sharing stories, whilst Lorrin tasted the homemade pies, potatoes and gravy. Of all the holidays, Thanksgiving was her favorite. Don’t get me wrong, she loved dressing up for Halloween, getting gifts at Christmas and her birthday. But, one of the things Lorrin did best was to always be in the moment and be grateful for the day.
I am grateful for all that she taught me. This December will be 5 years since she has crossed over. As the holidays draw near, my body seems to have muscle memories of grief from years past. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss her. Every time I do, I try to remember the amazing lessons of love that she has taught me, I try to stay focused on being in the moment and enjoying life.
Today and every day I wake up and think of the things that I am grateful for before my feet hit the ground. Just the fact that I am alive gives me an opportunity to do my best to enjoy life; that is my responsibility. Some days I do better than others, but it is always in the back of my mind that I should be having fun! I will never forget her words of advice, “Mom, life is but a coffee break!”
Being a parent of a medically fragile child meant that I had many friends that I would have never met, if not for Lorrin and her uniqueness. Most of my friends today have come into my life through Lorrin. I have friends who are judges, lawyers, doctors, chiropractors, spiritual and intuitive workers, writers, nurses and make-up artists and many unique children, and their parents.
Today, I know that my belief system is based on all that Lorrin has taught me. I know that as long as I am here on this earth it is my responsibility to be happy and to live in the moment. I often fantasize what it would be like if Lorrin was not vaccine injured and lived her life as a healthy girl. I will never know. But I am proud of the life that we have together and grateful for all those who came into our lives to live, laugh, love and sometimes cry together. I am grateful for the woman I am today and I can honestly say I have learned, survived and grown from adversity.
I want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving holiday. I hope that loved ones, good food and most of all good health surround you. Eat lots, laugh hard and be in the moment, there is nowhere else to be!
It was 20 years ago this summer, I was sat in Los Angeles Children’s Hospital with my daughter Lorrin, across from a top pediatric brain surgeon, talking about her future. There was no surgery option available for Lorrin – her entire brain was damaged. Only five months old, she slept silently, drugged up on Phenobarbital and Dilantin. How could I ever know in her near future that she would be prescribed as many as seven anti-seizure medications at once? She was not making any childhood gains; her lifeless body would only move during one of her 5-minute grand mal seizures. The doctor stood up, showing me he was finished with our conversation as he stated, “We will never find a cure for your daughter because they will never admit that it happens.”
Living my life as a white female raised in a middle class home gave me a false protection from Crimes Against Humanity. Who would ever think that that attack would come from a routine wellness visit as Lorrin was given her one and only DPT vaccine? On April 27, 1994, Lorrin was administered a ‘HOT’ lot. A vaccine full of mercury, it attacked her brain. Within two hours Lorrin had a 5-minute seizure and our lives changed forever.
Back in 1994, before the advent of the internet, I was literally all alone. My husband and I had stopped talking soon after Lorrin’s vaccine injury. I was not going to go home and share this new bit of news; it was filed in the back of my head and heart with all the other things that I was told by doctors. I was not then and am still not a scientist, or have the slightest interest in anything medical. I hate the sight of blood to this day. But I somehow managed to give shots, place urine catheters, change pic line dressings, replace G-tubes, suction her trachea, and give all kinds of vision, OT, PT therapies. I stood by Lorrin’s side watching her almost die – countless times. Dr. John Menkes told me when Lorrin was only one year old, “One day you will wake up and she will be dead.” I love Dr. Menkes, he is one of the only doctors who talked to me about the reality of vaccine injury. He came on board to support our case against HHS, Human Health Services. He was a brilliant and caring man and doctor. Lorrin and I literally lived in the hospital and so I saw him often, every day at times. I also considered him a friend.
For years I was alone in my caring for Lorrin. At times I would hear people share their tales of vaccine injuries; “my son couldn’t walk for days after his vaccine” or “my child lost speech, lost hearing” and so on. I learned of a few stories of parents who had children like Lorrin but we were on our own never to be connected. That is exactly how the HHS wanted it.
This last week after Dr. Brian Hooker exposed the CDC for covering up that the MMR vaccine, when given to African American boys on schedule increases the rate of Autism by 340% has paralyzed me. I, like many other families am not shocked; we all know that we are being lied to. The sad truth is that each day that these truths are hidden, is another day that a child looses their future and sometimes their lives. Parents are left to pick up the pieces of their broken families doing all that they can to keep their sanity whilst dying inside. Families are financially ruined, divorced, some turning to drugs and alcohol in an attempt to silent their minds from the inner madness, guilt and worry for their child’s future. Thank God for the Internet.
Each of us has an important story to tell. Our truths need to be told. I travel all over the country and I hear the same story: I told the doctor something was wrong after the first round of vaccinations and they didn’t listen. So we gave another round followed by antibiotics. To top it off, parents are told to give Tylenol after vaccines are given. Tylenol depletes glutathione, which is needed to detoxify poisons. A recipe for disaster.
I could sit by Lorrin’s side watching her have a huge seizure lasting for 5 minutes or longer and eat a sandwich. When I would watch one of my friend’s kids have a seizure, I would crumble. I am numb to what happened to my daughter, I guess you could say that is the survival instinct. Now, 20 years later and five years after Lorrin’s death, the numbers of children who are vaccine injured is staggering, it breaks my heart.
As I write this I am like all those other parents addicted to the Internet waiting for this news to break into the media channels. In only hours, CNN’s iReport has received thousands of hits. In only days, there were 404,432k views and 124K shares. I wonder how many more children need to suffer? I think of all the vaccine-injured families and know that there is strength in our numbers. Each of us bringing critical gifts to the table – scientists, lawyers, writers, and speakers coming forward with our individual stories. Our voices are strong and we are not going away. What happened to Lorrin 20 years ago was criminal and the fact that since that time thousands of children have had crimes committed against them is just outrageous! For the love of my daughter and all the children before her, currently and who will be injured, I share our story and fight this fight.
Our prayers and voices will be heard and justice will prevail.
The beautiful thing about mothers who have been shunned by society is that they become creative. Without rules we tend to make up our own. Who knew two years ago when I met Candyce Estave & Marcella Piper-Terry that I would be rallying together with these awesome moms to raise awareness for our children and their parents.
Truth be told, when Lorrin was alive I used to tell people educate before you vaccinate, break up the vaccines and give them separately. But since her death, almost five years ago, I see and hear the same story over and over about vaccine injury. Now, I tell parents to breast feed and keep all the toxins out of their babies for as long as possible. That means all toxins, GMO’s, red dye and lets not forget the poisonous sugar.
Marcella’s daughter Rachel was vaccine injured as a child twenty years ago. She was labeled with many different names. Thankfully she fully recovered through bi0-medical treatment. When Rachel was 15 she was bitten by a spider and her mom was bullied into giving her a tetanus vaccination. Marcella didn’t know that what she was agreeing to give her daughter was actually the TDaP which was full of milk proteins which Rachel is allergic to. Only hours after the vaccine Rachel almost died. Since then many of her symptoms returned from her early childhood. It really angered Marcella when she saw all the pressure coming from the schools stating that parents HAD to vaccinate. She called the local paper in her area and wanted them to print the facts about vaccinations. She was totally denied. Then Marcella became creative, she decided to post a billboard in her area that stated the truth about vaccines and a link to where parents could obtain more information.
What started to be a simple idea has blown up into a huge campaign. The first billboard posted was raised by parents donations via Facebook and dedicated to a boy who recently died from vaccine injury. The universe was supporting this message in many ways. Please go to VaxTruth.org to read the entire billboards and Rachels story.
Candyce Estave, a mother of two beautiful children, who’s son was injured by vaccinations, remembers knowing in her gut it was wrong to vaccinate, so she asked her best friend to help hold him down while her doctor gave him his shots. At 17 months of age her beautiful baby boy lost his language, stopped kissing and cuddling and started lining up his toys in a row. She admits being in denial for a while until her family told her that there was something terribly wrong.A few months ago, Candyce stood on her street corner in Santa Maria holding signs with other parents to get the truth about vaccine rights out to parents. I saw this and called her to say, “I want to stand on the corner with you!” I am proud to say that this campaign is becoming a grass roots movement to educate. You won’t see this type of information on the television because we all know who owns the TV. You don’t have to watch very long until you see a Viagra, Tylenol or some type of drug commercial. As I mentioned before, today’s moms are clever and creative, we are not going away and we will tell our truth to anyone who will listen, in the hope that this information will go some way to saving our precious babies and their families from injury.
I am very excited to go to Santa Maria and stand on the corner. Like all other grass movements this one is free and intended to educate parents. The CDC states that 53% of our children has some type of chronic illness. That is one in two! We all need to be concerned about the Autism rates, infant mortality rates and diabetes to name a few. Our kids are sick and we need to stop this. I encourage you to educate yourself and share this information with as many people who will listen.
For more information see VaxTruth.org.
When: Friday July 18, 2014 from 3-500 pm
Where: Corner of Main Street and Miller in Santa Maria, CA 93454
Recently at my fourth Autism One conference I experienced that familiar response after one finds out that Lorrin has died. Some had tears pool in their eyes and a look of pity came over their face. Each person who hears our story puts himself or herself in my place. I understand it, I do. Of course it is every mother’s greatest fear to lose her child. But the truth is that it didn’t happen over night, it took many years for me to get the understanding and place of peace that I am at now. Lorrin being my greatest teacher came in to this lifetime with big shoes to fill.
It saddens me deeply meeting so many parents living with vaccine injury. Their desperate search to recover their precious babies reminds me of the first years of Lorrin’s life. Back in 1994 I did all that I could do to “heal” Lorrin. Isolated, before the Internet I took Lorrin anywhere and everywhere to fix her. It wasn’t until she was three years old that I realized that she came here to live in this seemingly broken body to help others and me. The healing that I was looking for in Lorrin was actually meant to take place in me. I was the one who needed help.
I think the hardest part of being Lorrin’s mom was finding the balance in doing all that I could do to help her be as comfortable as she could in her broken body and still remain in a state of grace, fully understanding that she was perfect the way she was. I miss being a mom, her sweet face, those little crooked feet and her big blue eyes each looking in a different direction.
So how can I explain to parents that I am ok with Lorrin not being physical? It is hard to put into words; it has been a journey and a life lesson. My inner peace is from Lorrins teachings that have become my belief system. She taught me that Life is just a coffee break. Our time on earth is brief. We are here to learn lessons of love. It is my belief that Lorrin and I have lived many life times together; her taking care of me and visa versa. Before she came here she agreed to this body that appears to the rest of us as a horrible existence. I agreed to be her mother. She was totally comfortable with who she was and had a huge faith in God. She understood higher realms and communicated to people in many different ways without words. Lorrin has always talked to people in their dreams. She told me once, “Mom if you could see what I do, you would not worry so much and you would enjoy life more.” Lorrin always wanted me to be in a place of self-love.
I am in awe to all the brave parents who are fighting the fight. Recovery is happening for so many children. But I just want to say that if your child is not recovered please be open to the idea that they are perfect the way they are and here to teach you many wonderful lessons. I encourage you not to get so caught up in the fixing that you miss the journey. Being unique has awesome benefits. In all Lorrin’s brokenness she made people feel comfortable drawing them in with her loving energy.
Please know I understand the look. Yes, something tragic happened to my family. The truth is that tragic events happen all the time. The true tragedy would have been if I missed her life lessons and missed the joy in being Lorrin’s mother. Lorrin was/is an amazing teacher and that was only made possible by her uniqueness. She never walked or talked and in 15 years taught me more than I could have learned in lifetimes. I often think about what she would be like if she would “normal” and wonder if we would have been so close? Would I have met Sarah her BFF? The best part of who I am is because SHE came here in a body that most see as insignificant. To all you moms, dads, caregivers and onlookers to unique children, please know that each of us wants the same things in life we just manage to do them differently. Life is short and meant to be embraced and treasured. I always say quality not quantity.
Our unique children are changing the world. Lorrin is one of many messengers of love and light. I believe that there is a healing taking place and parents all over are seeing the magic in their precious children who are strong and powerful, communicating with each other on a level that most of us don’t understand yet. Be open to the journey and do your best to stay in the moment. Life is happening.